Don't Tell the Teacher Read online

  My story on Friday began:

  The boxer bruised and bloody lay,

  His eyes half-closed and swollen…

  The teacher wrote a little note:

  Use a semicolon!

  Next Monday my story will begin:

  Once upon a time…

  New Boy

  When we had PE,

  The new boy changed in the toilets,

  Out of sight of all the others.

  ‘Shy, are we?’ asked the teacher impatiently,

  When the boy emerged in grubby shirt and shorts.

  ‘Come along, son, let’s have that top off.

  You cannot do PE wrapped up like that.’

  ‘Please, sir,’ pleaded the boy, ‘can I keep it on?’

  ‘You heard me!’ snapped the teacher.

  With downcast eyes, the new boy

  Pulled the shirt slowly over his head

  And we all saw the dark blue bruises on his thin white arms.

  Letter to a Bully

  Dear Martin,

  I saw your name in the paper

  The other day,

  And thought I’d write.

  You probably won’t remember me

  But I remember you.

  I remember your cold blue eyes

  And nasty smile,

  And how you mouthed, ‘You’re dead!’

  Across the classroom

  When the teacher looked the other way.

  I remember my cut lip

  And bloody nose,

  And how I rubbed by bruised shins

  On the way home,

  When you had run off laughing.

  I remember the ache and hurt

  And fear inside,

  And how I dreaded end of school,

  With you in wait outside

  To push me up against the wall.

  Yes, I saw your name in the paper

  The other day,

  And thought I’d write.

  As I said, you probably won’t remember me,

  But, oh, how I remember you.

  Henry Smails

  The chief defect of Henry Smails

  Was chewing at his fingernails.

  Nibble, nibble all the day,

  He nibbled all his nails away.

  Then foolish Henry licked his lips

  And started on his fingertips.

  His worried parents were bereft,

  For Henry had no fingers left.

  Then, to his parents’ deep dismay,

  His hands and arms were gnawed away.

  Then his body, legs and toes,

  Yes, Henry nibbled all of those.

  Until at last, as we had feared,

  Poor Henry, he just disappeared.

  Remember, children, Henry Smails

  And do not bite your fingernails.

  In Trouble

  The boy

  Outside the head teacher’s room,

  Eyes red with crying,

  Grubby smears on his cheeks

  Where he’s wiped away the tears,

  Waits to be seen.

  He sighs

  And plucks his hair nervously,

  Then springs upright,

  Like a puppet on pulled strings,

  At the sound of the barking order:

  ‘Come in!’

  The Inspector Man

  ‘Twas Monday and the quembling staff

  Did scyre and skrimble in their shoes.

  All cractious were the pupils

  And the caretaker – not amused.

  Beware the inspector man, my dear,

  The eyes that shine, the crockatrice grin.

  Beware the soft and sugary voice –

  Do not be taken in.

  Miss Mimsy triwered in her room.

  Long time she stood, long time she thought

  Then, hearing a smuffling from the hall,

  She snatched up a snick of chalk.

  She heard the shuckling, wheebling cry,

  Then through the door the creature came.

  She saw the smile and fangling teeth

  And brackling eyes aflame.

  But Dean had left his sports-bag out,

  It sterched before him by the door,

  And as the creature clumbered in,

  It tripped and trumbled to the floor.

  ‘Oh, thou hast done a worthible deed,’

  Miss Mimsy told her beamish boy,

  ‘For thou hast foiled the inspector man.’

  She griggled in her joy.

  ‘Twas Monday and the quembling staff

  Did scyre and skrimble in their shoes.

  All cractious were the pupils

  And Miss Mimsy – most amused.

  Teacher

  There was an old teacher called Blewitt,

  Who was clever, and oh how he knew it.

  ‘Pay attention!’ he roared.

  ‘The work’s on the board.

  Take a look and then I’ll go through it!’

  Using Your Imagination

  On Monday Miss Morrison

  Said we could paint a picture

  And all use our imaginations.

  I drew a dragon

  In a dark and dripping cave,

  With yellow scaly skin

  And slithery, snake-like tail,

  Blue fins and bone-white horns,

  Red-eyed and breathing purple flames.

  But Miss Cawthorne, when she saw it, sighed and said,

  ‘David, dear, dragons are not yellow.

  They are green!’

  So There!

  Our English teacher, Mr Smart,

  Says writing English is an art,

  That we should always take great care

  When spelling words like wear and where

  Witch and which andfair and fare,

  Key and quay and air and heir,

  Whet and wet and flair and flare,

  Wring and ring and stair and stare,

  Him and hymn and their and there,

  Whine and wine and pear and pare,

  Check and cheque and tare and tear,

  Crews and cruise and hare and hair,

  Meet and meat and bear and bare,

  Knot and not and layer and lair,

  Loot and lute and mayor and mare.

  Well, frankly, sir, I just don’t care!

  So there!

  Letter Home

  Dear Mrs McNamara,

  I’m writing this to say

  That your son was very naughty

  When he came to school today.

  The bell had gone for lessons

  When your Darren wandered in,

  Then he talked all through assembly

  And refused to sing the hymn.

  He doodled on his reading book

  And wouldn’t work in class,

  And at break he broke a window

  And dropped litter on the grass.

  Your son just would not eat his lunch

  Despite the dinner lady’s plea,

  Then he hid behind the curtains

  And refused to do PE.

  I have to say I do not like

  Your Darren’s attitude.

  When the head teacher had a word with him

  He was very very rude.

  He stamped his feet and shouted,

  Then slammed the classroom door,

  And screamed and shrieked and yelled and howled

  All down the corridor.

  Now I’m sure you will appreciate

  That the situation’s grave.

  I think you should keep your son at home

  Until he can behave.

  The thought of Darren coming back

  Fills everyone with dread.

  After all I’m just a pupil

  And he’s the deputy head.

  Examiner

  The school examiner, Mrs Best,

  Who spent her life devising tests,

  At last is sadly laid to rest,

  And now in hea
ven she’s assessed.

  Kinds of Poem

  Alphabet Poem

  Here the alphabet is used as the structure for a twenty-six- line poem.

  Calligram

  The words used in a calligram – also called concrete or shape poetry – form the shape of the topic described.

  Cautionary Verse

  A narrative poem which often features a disobedient child or a foolish person who, as a result of his or her actions, comes to a sticky end. It teaches a salutary lesson.

  Conversation Poem

  A free verse or rhyming poem in which two characters hold a conversation.

  Diamont

  A seven-line poem written in the shape of a diamond which contains a contrast of ideas or descriptions. It ollows this pattern:

  Line 1:

  The topic

  (1 word)

  Line 2:

  Describes the topic

  (2 words)

  Line 3:

  Expresses some action

  (3 words)

  Line 4:

  Relates to the topic

  (4 words)

  Line 5:

  Action words about the opposite of the topic

  (3 words)

  Line 6:

  Describes the opposite of the topic

  (2 words)

  Line 7:

  The opposite of the topic

  (1 word)

  Epitaph

  A short, often very simply written poem in memory of omeone who has died. You can see epitaphs carved on ombstones in the churchyard.

  Free Verse

  A poem without rhyme.

  limerick

  A short and amusing verse of five lines which follows a ixed pattern:

  Line 1:

  hymes with second and fifth lines

  (8 or 9 syllables)

  Line 2:

  hymes with first and fifth lines

  (8 or 9 syllables)

  Line 3:

  hymes with fourth line

  (5 or 6 syllables)

  Line 4:

  hymes with third line

  (5 or 6 syllables)

  Line 5:

  hymes with first and second lines

  (8 or 9 syllables)

  Parody

  A poem which copies the structure of a well-known poem

  for comic effect.

  Rhyming Poem

  Rhyme is when two words sound alike. Sometimes poems use rhyme to get our attention or to make us listen, sometimes to create a pleasing musical effect. Rhyme also gives pattern to the verses in a poem. In most rhyming poems the rhyme appears at the end of the line. In some it occurs in the middle of the line (internal rhyme). Full rhymes occur when the words sound exactly alike (as in ‘high’ and sky’). Near or half-rhymes are when the words sound similar but are not full rhymes (as in ‘mine’ and ‘grime’).

  Rhythmic Poem

  All poems have rhythm – that is, a pattern of beats or ounds. Some poems have a slow and stately rhythm, thers a regular singsong rhythm.

  Riddle

  A riddle is a word puzzle. Some riddles are one line and thers are much longer; some are easy to solve and others re very difficult.

  Index of First Lines

  ‘And the prize for the best attendance this year goes to William Webster

  41

  Anne’s grandpa wears glasses

  20

  As you sit all tense in the dentist’s chair

  5

  Bully

  7

  Dear Granny and Grandpa

  19

  Dear Martin

  45

  Dear Mrs Auchterloonie

  2

  Dear Mrs McNamara

  54

  I really am excited!

  38

  I’m a daydreamer, a daydreamer

  14

  In a dark dark town

  33

  In the Home Corner

  23

  Inspector

  8

  ‘It’s your turn to take the dog for a walk,’ said Dad to Lizzie

  9

  Little Lizzie felt quite dizzy

  30

  Mary in a pale blue cloak

  37

  Matthew saw a grey squirrel

  1

  Miss Cawthorne says I can’t play conkers any more

  34

  Miss Perkins has a vulture

  27

  Mrs Moore

  24

  Mum: And where have you been until this time?

  11

  My best friend

  4

  My father drives an ambulance

  39

  My story on Monday began

  42

  On Monday Miss Morrison

  52

  Our English teacher, Mr Smart

  53

  Please, don’t bring me back to the zoo

  16

  She secretes them in spaghetti

  31

  The boy

  48

  The chief defect of Henry Smails

  47

  The great green shiny monster stands still

  13

  The school examiner, Mrs Best

  56

  There was an old teacher called Blewitt

  51

  There’s a new kid

  22

  To the boy with his head

  17

  ‘Twas Monday and the quembling staff

  49

  Up and down, up and down, on the escalator in he town

  29

  ‘What is the point,’ asked Dad

  32

  When I threw a lump of mud at Michael Morrison

  5

  When Leroy laughed

  36

  When we had PE

  44

  ‘Will you come out of the bathroom!

  40

  ‘You are not going out like that tonight!

  10

  ‘Your picture’s most unusual,’ Miss Moore, our teacher, said

  28